Take a break from all the heavy discounting Black Friday insania and focus on some unashamedly expensive kit. Bring on the bike porn!
We’ve browsed all of our product categories with the filter set to ‘Price: High to Low’ and here’s our pick of the bling-iest things that resulted.
We hope you enjoy this exercise in “HOW MUCH?!”
Silca Super Pista Ultimate Floor Pump
HOW MUCH?! £299.95
Believe it or not, Silca do actually do a more expensive version of this pump. The limited edition ones designed in conjunction with fancy design houses go for about $1,000. There are people who have convinced themselves that this regular Super Pista Ultimate makes some sort of long-term financial sense but in reality all you need to know is that this pump is actually a joy to use. That’ll do.
Thomson Covert Elite Dropper Seat Post
HOW MUCH?! £319.99
Okay, so pretty much everyone just goes and buys a Reverb. That makes sense. Reverbs are good. But Thomsons are better. Reliable, re-buildable, serviceable, quick, accurate, responsive, no-slop. All good.
Kask Bambino Pro Time Trial Helmet
HOW MUCH?! £299.00
This helmet is pretty much guaranteed to make you as fast as anyone on Team Sky when it comes to time trialling, track cycling or triathlon-ing.
Oakley Jawbreaker Iridum Polarized
HOW MUCH?! £189.00
Mark Cavendish has moved around teams a fair bit since leaving Team Sky but there’s always been one consistent brand: Oakley. He’s stuck by them and they’ve stuck by him. The Jawbreakers are Cav’s signature shades. Switchlock lens-swapping feature, adjustable temples/arms for mating with any helmet design and an extended coverage at the top of the frame for heads-down sprinting vision.
HOW MUCH?! £2,295
UHC Performance carbon fibre frame, a 100% carbon fibre UHC Advanced monocoque fork, hydraulic disc brakes, Shimano Ultegra 11 speed shifting. And one of Felt’s best ever paintjobs.
Guerciotti Lembeek Disc
HOW MUCH?! £1,999.00
A cutting edge cyclo-cross bike from the old masters of ‘cross. Full carbon frame and fork. Sram Force 11 speed disc groupset.
Colnago C-59 Campagnolo Super Record ESP Disc
HOW MUCH?! £4,995.00
Even at its current half-price this is still the most expensive we have in stock at the moment. Did you know that it was a C-59 Disc that Martin Ashton used in his famous Road Bike Party 1 & 2 films?
Colnago C60 Italia frames
HOW MUCH?! £3,150
The C60 is one louder than the C-59. Or something like that. The C-60 is the pinnacle of Colnago’s frame making knowhow. That is a whole lotta knowhow.
Yeti SB95 Carbon frame
HOW MUCH?! £1,999.99
A big wheel, big tech, big bucks big bike. Switch Technology suspension platform, slack, low-slung geometry, short chain stays, five-inch travel 29er in a light, stiff high-mod carbon frame. Oof! Yes please.
SiDi Wire Carbon Vernice
HOW MUCH?! £299.99
Everything that SiDi know about shoes stuffed into a ridiculously techno bit of footwear. Every innovation, feature or patent that have SiDi is very probably featured on these shoes. This ‘Iride’ colourway is very nice but I reckon the Dorothy-tastic red and white ones are the most beautiful. Whit-whoo!
Hope Ceramic MTB bottom bracket
HOW MUCH?! £99.00
Sometimes bling meets no-nonsense. This here BB from Hope is a brilliant example. Shown here in their new orange anodising option. Crisply made, good looking, smooth spinning, long lasting. Pretty perfect.
KMC X SL Gold chains
HOW MUCH?! £46.99
Any bling round-up wouldn’t be complete without a bit of GOLD! How long these chains remain looking gold after a bit of winter riding we wouldn’t like to say. But if you just want a gold chain for your posing bike – here it is.
Hope jockey wheels
HOW MUCH?! £31.50
These look positively bargain-acious amidst all this other stuff. Seeing a bike with a set of Hope jockeys installed in the rear mech is a sure sign that you’re dealing with a proper bike pimper.
Fizik Arione 00 carbon braided rails
HOW MUCH?! £269.99
Apologies for the picture. It doesn’t exactly get across much of the carbon jazzy-ness of the saddle does it? Ne’re mind. It’s too late to take another photo now. Did you know that the ’00’ suffix is kinda inspired by the ’00’ (double zero) grade of flour that is used in the finest pastas? Well, you do now.
Look S-Track Carbon Titanium MTB pedals
HOW MUCH?! £219.95
These look a bit like Time pedals that have been beamed in from the future. There has always been a tiny percentage of cyclists who have liked to use pedals that no one else uses. These S-Tracks are for them.
Feedback Sports Digital Chain Wear Gauge
HOW MUCH?! £59.95
Customer review: “If you have expensive cassette and chainrings and do lots of miles probably worth the investment to measure chain wear and tear. It is accurate and provides a reading on the curve which normal point to points or rulers may/will miss. Always take several readings round the chain.” It almost make it sound sensible!
Quarq power meters
HOW MUCH?! £1,399.99
Crank arm-based systems are all well and good but nothing says “I am a well serious cyclist I am” like a crank spider-based power meter.
Enve short shallow handlebar
HOW MUCH?! £299.99
I’d like to be able to say that I can look at these un-taped handlebars without smirking and/or blushing. But I can’t. Can somebody please slap some bar tape on these immediately?
Sram XX1 chainset
HOW MUCH?! £289.99
Shimano may have joined the 1x fray but I don’t think you’ll find many folk who can honestly say that Shimano’s stuff looks as cool as Sram’s. Form over function? Not really. Form AND function more like.
Silca Impero frame pump and mini pump
HOW MUCH?! £135.00
We started this article with a Silca so it feels right to end with them too. A frame pump and a pocket pump in much the same vein as the track pump above. if you have to ask a reason why these pumps cost what they do, they’re not for you.